Oops, I did it again… Saturn Return

Good old Saturn

Good old Saturn

Welcome back Saturn. In case you don’t follow astrology, Saturn has returned. To me, astrology is like a handbook for life. Many times I feel I’m wandering aimlessly through my life making irrational, self-destructive decisions, worrying and holding on to people, ideas, and possessions I shouldn’t. I have had moments lately where I put my head in my hands and cry (and, yes, sometimes scream and yell) because I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing or why I feel so out of control. So I look to the stars and what do I find but that after 29.5 years Saturn has come back to meet my natal Saturn. The planet, because of its proximity, takes 29.5 years to orbit the sun and so for most people they only see the return two or three times in their life. The Saturn Return is described as a wake-up call, which is why so many, myself included fear its realities.

Maybe you don’t believe in astrology or that your birth sign and the planets being in and out of alignment could have anything to do with the outcome of your life. None of us are born with an instruction manual on how we should journey through life. Yet, do a little research on star signs, and you’ll see your life and the decisions you make are anything but random. Saturn, as I’ve learned, creates a crisis that puts you face-to-face with your fears. Everyone I know seems to be having a crisis lately. It’s also said that Saturn causes mini earthquakes shaking foundations, enabling us to shake off what’s not really authentic. Saturn’s other alias is the Lord of Karma, and its return signals an opportunity to become your own authority. Saturn is the instigator of change, and its meant to lead us towards healing and the real foundation of the self.

I could use a little healing these days.

Astrologers say it’s important to “do your Saturn,” which means taking steps to own your shit. So I did a little research on a site called alabe.com which plugs in your birth date, city, and name to map out your astrological chart. I must say I was blown away by the results. This isn’t horoscopes in the back of a fashion magazine; this is a mapped out guide to yourself based on birth. What I learned about myself was nothing entirely new, but the descriptions were a sobering reminder that who I am was born in the stars.

“You love to be the center of attention and you want to appear strong, confident, and dominant.” – I think my sister and husband would agree with this trait, which often gets me into trouble.

“You require strenuous situations in order to grow and mature properly, even though you try to avoid them.” – I’m constantly told I make my life harder than it need be, especially in my approach to situations and relationships. I apparently enjoy the stress.

“You tend to talk on at times seemingly just to fill space” – Yes, and more yes. It’s an annoying habit of mine I know.

“You are very obsessive and compulsive in your approach to things.” – Hiking 14ers immediately comes to mind. When I find an activity I like I become compulsive about whatever that may be.

“You enjoy administering and organizing group activities. You love to entertain in a big way” – Have you been on one of my retreats or to a Magee soiree? I have been throwing parties since high school.

My astrology map was of course even longer than the aforementioned but these little tidbits stuck out. There was even suggestions about wanting to control life, my talking, focusing on personal relationships, and avoiding being too much of a show off. Reading this was like a slap in the face from the universe, and a refreshing acknowledgement of who I am and who I’ve always been and who I’ll continue to be.

Saturn returning has been a huge wakeup call for me. I had become complacent in so many areas of my life without even realizing. There are many days I’ve cried thinking I’m failing as a mother, a wife, daughter, and friend. Yet, like the I-Ching says, chaos is another name for opportunity. Saturn is trying to lead me towards myself, and I’ve been running away. In myth, Saturn is also the God of the Harvest and in a harvest, we separate the wheat from the chaff, cutting away what’s done growing to make room for the new crop, next season. Death and rebirth. Death is not always easy, but it also brings about rebirth, a new chapter, and a fresh start. I can use this time in my life as an opportunity to plant new seeds and manifest new growth. I will always be who I am but the bad habits and mistakes of my past don’t have to follow me into my future.

In yoga class the other day my teacher Dawnelle talked about how we need to step out of the shadow we create for ourselves. I realize now that I have cast a pretty large shadow. I’ve let others’ views of me cloud my vision of who I know I am, and it’s taken a toll both mentally and physically. My yoga teacher reminded me there is no good or bad, those are just labels we put on each other and situations. We are all just regular people trying to make it in life, and out of the stars we were created and will one day return. Closing on a new house Friday I know that now is time for new beginnings and fresh starts. We have been stuck in this purgatory of in-between for a while, and now we move forward (literally and physically). Even the house we bought will get new paint, carpet, flooring and with it a new life and memories. Our physical bodies are much in the same – the exterior remains but what’s inside can shift, change, be dusted off, and cleaned up to make for a more inhabitable space.

I will always be who I am but with this new awareness I can be the best version of myself.

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About the Author: Natalie Magee writes a regular column for Happiness Series about what motherhood and beyond - from prenatal to postpartum. Her intention with her column, "Baby & Beyond - What No One Else Will Tell You" is to give practical advice and tips to the busy mom and mom-to-be. She also shares her experiences good, bad and ugly as a woman, wife, mom, flight attendant and fitness instructor. Natalie is also a regular fitness contributor on Happiness Series. She will continue to create great, effective workouts for anyone - including the busy moms out there - who wants to get fit and stay in shape.

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