Should You Ever Ask A Guy Out?
Picture this: You’ve been chatting up an attractive man at a bar. Let’s call him “Frank”. As you and Frank get ready to part ways, it becomes obvious he’s not going to ask for your number. Feeling bold, you get your “gurrrl’ power on and ask for his digits instead. Is he really as impressed by your bravery as you assume he is, or is he taking your number because it would be awkward not to? And on that note, should women really be asking men out?
Yeah, yeah, I know. Naomi Wolf would have a field day with this question. YOU are having a field day with this question, wondering: “Was the LoveTrekker born in Medieval times?” But it’s just a question — and a fair one, at that.
You see, the Huffington Post recently conducted a study of 250,000 men, 82 percent of whom said they would be “comfortable” being asked out by a woman (though only 10 percent of us are comfortable enough to actually do so). But does “comfortable” mean that they would actually prefer it?
This is a topic I’ve discussed with my male friends at length. Nine out of ten will say, “It would be nice to be asked out by a woman for a change. It takes the heat off of me!” To this I respond, “Yes, but if it’s so easy, will you really want them as much? If it’s on a platter for you, would you end up dating them or just try to sex them up?”
As the male in question begins to protest that he’s far more highly evolved than I thought, his mouth immediately snaps shut. He thinks (I can always see the cogs turning, mind). “No, I guess not, is the inevitable, chastised resp0nse.
Bottom line, if a guy really wants to ask you out, he will.
Naturally, our fragile female egos can’t handle this. We are funny/attractive/fantastic and lovely. What isn’t there to like? Sadly, it comes down to where the guy is at, how much chemistry you have, and whether or not he feels like putting effort in. It’s you, but it also isn’t. He might seem wonderful, but if he isn’t getting your number or asking you to dinner, cut your losses and refuse to rue what might have been.
Though he might appreciate your brazenness in the moment, it won’t do you any good at all in the long run.
Psychology Today contributor Michael Mills agrees, but his explanation is far more cerebral, naturally. He explains that: “Females have absolute assurance of parentage, but because males have paternal insecurity, they are unconsciously looking for a female who will be faithful to them. If females asked males out, men would assume that they do this all the time with other guys.”
Double standard? Sure is…but that’s life. All is NOT fair in love (and I’m pretty sure I can agree with the war part of that cliche too).
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About the Author: Laura Schreffler is a former New York Daily News columnist who left the world of celebrity behind to focus on what makes her happiest — love and travel. She is the creator of LoveTrekker.com — a website devoted to these two passions that she fondly calls “looking for love in all the right places.” In her spare time she likes to play matchmaker for her friends, dream about her next vacation and gaze at photographs of Taylor Kitsch. For more advice on love, relationships, and happiness, check out http://lovetrekker.com & her book "Internet Dating 101". And follow her here at Happiness Series with her weekly blog about finding love.