How To Fix Your Money Issues…
I was talking with a friend today about stress in his life. He was having a tough time with finances (not enough), work (too much), health (no time to focus), relationship with girlfriend (stressful). In short, he was feeling bad, and this was making him feel worse. And as we talked through his issues, I remembered by own with work and money. A couple of months ago, after freaking out about finances and work stuff, I started to think about where I had ease in my life. Where in my life did I not worry, fret, stress, and freak out? That was easy. My love life. I’ve almost always had an easy time dating and in relationships. Maybe because I don’t give it that kind of intense focus that brings resistance and fear, I’ve almost always dated good men. And I’m usually happy with my partner and my romantic life. Thinking about the joyous ease in that part of my life made me wonder if I could transfer that feeling and success to my work and financial lives. I can’t remember a time where I didn’t tell myself that for success to come in work it had to be hard. For something to be worthwhile it couldn’t come easily. But look at my relationship with my partner – it’s very rewarding and relatively easy – it’s the closest thing to worthwhile I know! So clearly I’m wrong. Things that matter, things that are worthy and important can come with ease and a lightness.
But what about money? I’ve almost always had a tricky relationship with money. To make money and have abundance of money has seemed to me, in the past, like climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro as an asthmatic with no legs, a fear of heights, and a loathing for the outdoors. Finding a boyfriend, getting someone to love and support me is like slipping into a warm bath, natural and easy. So how could I approach my work and my finances with this attitude as opposed to the one I’ve held on to for so long, the one that says it’s hard and almost impossible? I want success and ease and lightness and fun in all parts of my life. And I’m worthy of it. Because that’s what it kind of boils down to… not feeling worthy of the good things, not feeling worthy of success and abundance in all the parts of our lives. And this creates resistance.
My friend says he wants the same thing. He wants to feel good in work, in love, in his body, in his mind, in his friendships, in all of it. Don’t we all? So I asked him, where in your life is there effortlessness. He finds it easy to connect with people and with his friendships. Like me, he just needs to transfer the feelings of effortlessness and worthiness to the other parts in his life. Great. That makes sense, right? But how do we do this? How do he and I tap into the good stuff and lose the heavy feelings of fear, unworthiness, and stress around other aspects of our lives? He and I need to stop resisting. I think we both create a feeling of resistance with what we want when we focus on the lack, on the stress, on the effort. I would like to stop doing that. I want to feel it’s all going to come with little effort and a lot of fun. I’ve got to stop saying, “I want more money; I don’t have enough.” Or, “I want to shoot this TV show; I know it will be hard but it’s gonna be worth it.” These types of comments are in direct opposition to each other, and stop me from being in the flow, and then no improvement happens. Instead I’ve started to say this: “I’m looking forward to producing this show; it will be fun, and I am supported by a team that cares about my vision and has the expertise to execute it.” Or, “I want more money… with more money I’m in alignment with who I am.” The more I talk about what I want from a place of feeling like I’ve not got enough of it, the more I continue to create a world for myself where I don’t get what I want. With the finance thing, here’s what I’m learning, don’t talk about money (or work or love) unless I feel good. If it makes me feel defeated, worried, anxious, don’t think about money. Let it go. What I’m doing now, and what I’ve asked my friend to do with me, is to focus on what makes me feel good. This is what I do naturally in the love department. I never worry that I’ll be lonely or sad or that I won’t meet a man to love me or that my relationship will be bad. I just kinda always believe in matters of the heart if I want it, it’ll show up.
Here’s the other thing, I can’t make up stuff that I don’t mean (like, “I’m not worried about money” if I am) because that takes me out of the flow. But I can say things to myself that I believe and that make me feel good (“I’m good at manifesting what I need; I love my work; I’m good at what I do; I attract good things; I am loved”). What I care about now and what I focus on is how I feel. And I almost never think about money or work or stressful film shoots if I’m not feeling good. Instead I care about how I feel, and I keep reaching for better and better feelings by choosing better and better feeling thoughts. This is why it’s so important to take care of ourselves with diet and exercise and meditation – it’s hard to feel good and choose good feeling thoughts when we feel bad in our bodies. Right?!
My advice to my friend who is so anxious and worried and out of the flow is to get in nature – there is joy in nature – to feel good, all the time, and to nourish himself. And then we set intentions about work, relationships, and money from this place. These days I’m thinking about how having enough or a lot of money makes me feel, not about the actual money. This much I know to be true. We create our own reality. And we are what we think about.
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About the Author: Tania Van Pelt is the creator of Happiness Series. She is a writer and content creator, working in film, tv, and online. She wrote the popular lifestyle book "Ageless Diet," published in late 2015. And she is currently working on her next book. She also developed a sitcom pilot set in the restaurant business called "Employees Only TV" and is developing another web series comedy about Denver.