Happiness in Love… The Rubber Band Theory

Does the Rubber Band Theory Really Work?

According to John Gray, men are like rubber bands. Though I could think of a million more words to describe the male specifies (none of them being very flattering at the moment), the Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus author might just be on to something. You know, aside from being a best-selling author and relationship guru, that is.

In the book, he states the following: “Men are like rubber bands.  When they pull away they can stretch only so far before they come springing back.”

He goes on to say that this a natural reaction, and it’s the way that male intimacy cycle works. Guys get close, they pull away, get come back.

Gray says we misinterpret this ‘pulling away’ and get all hurt. Sorry buddy, but why should we sit patiently when a guy who’s promised us the moon and stars gets gun shy all of a sudden and runs in the opposite direction? My wise ass mouth wants to tell the men in question to grow a pair and buck up, and tell all the women who are confused and hurt to move on.

But alas, the guru says we should wait it out, that “distance makes the heart grow stronger.”

I guess what it comes down to is whether or not the man in question is really worth it. If his fear of intimacy sends him running in the opposite direction, is that someone you really want to be with in the long run? Or is Gray right — and if we allow them the opportunity to miss us in the first place, they’ll finally be able to feel their own “passionate longing for love”?

All these games give me a headache.Though I do believe that the rubber band theory works, I don’t have the patience to employ it. But if you’re not an impatient girl like me, you might want to try it the next time the guy in your life goes AWOL. What’s a little temporary confusion and hurt when the end result might make you unbelievably happy? To each her own!



Filed Under: Blogs


About the Author: Laura Schreffler is a former New York Daily News columnist who left the world of celebrity behind to focus on what makes her happiest — love and travel. She is the creator of LoveTrekker.com — a website devoted to these two passions that she fondly calls “looking for love in all the right places.” In her spare time she likes to play matchmaker for her friends, dream about her next vacation and gaze at photographs of Taylor Kitsch. For more advice on love, relationships, and happiness, check out http://lovetrekker.com & her book "Internet Dating 101". And follow her here at Happiness Series with her weekly blog about finding love.

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