Sh*t Talking

The Met Costume Gala, Part 3: Actresses

By Zaira Zafra

The FIRST thing when I saw Anna Wintour’s outfit is that I’d seen that line down the center before. Then I remembered where – my acquaintance’s cat just got spayed, and her scar down her white belly looks just like this dress. So, in other words, not in love with this outfit, Anna. Your hair looks nice, I guess.

I like Jessica Alba, and I think she’s preguntos now, but her dress looks like the wrinkled curtain I got from my work’s X-Mas party. The color is divine, just iron it!

I really like Christina Hendrick’s look, but this dress… ugh. There’s a candy that has the exact same color scheme, and I don’t like that candy either. It just washes her out. It’s too 70s and Studio 54 for this event. Her husband is Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite?

Rosario Dawson and Eva Mendes had the blues, and did they made those blues delightful. Eva First – YAY! This color is vibrant, moving and luscious. Her dress makes me think of a super villainess going to the Met, down to the gold belt, so I feel like she did the McQueen Exhibit right by this. Look at her hair, her eyebrow game is so tight it’s not moving, and the lines move fluidly. Yes. Si. Oui. Word. Then Rosario. The dress is VERY plain from the front, beautiful in the back. I’m thinking it’s blue-ish black, is it just black? Whatever, it looks great.

Kerry Washington looks like a ghetto Barbie Doll. This woman usually has such good taste and looks, but her hair and makeup make her face look severe today, and while I’m loving the color of her dress, her dress belongs in a belly dancing rodeo, not at the Met.

Sofia Vergara – Your dress is like a bootleg bridesmaid’s dress from K-Mart…what is going on here? Where’s the va va voom? Where’s the glamour? When do I feel like your skirt is a bedspread from Target? If it is it’s a pretty bedspread and my cat would like to sleep on it.

I really love Salma Hayek here – my ONLY complaint is that the dress is too nude colored. Seriously, other than that she looks fabulously happy and glowing.





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