Sh*t Talking

Met Gala, Part 2: The Musicians

By Zaira Zafra

Rihanna is a beautiful girl, and I know she can do no wrong in the fashion world but enough is enough with the Ronald McDonald colored hair. And then on top of it you want to add a Wendy’s half a meal braid to boot? NO! What’s with the fast food hair! The end of that phony pony looks like yarn, the braid itself looks H&M fake, and the whole thing almost makes me miss the disco chicken hair she had before. As for her outfit… if you look closely at the design, it’s quite lovely. But the whole thing, and I do apologize, give me an Addams Family funeral doily vibe. And then with the nude underneath it, it make me think of the tree man, with his skin disease. The shoes look like she bought them at Bakers. I can’t really decide on this whole thing – you tell me. I gotta find the other photo where the dress just looks like a disease…

Jennifer Lopez looks like the Revenge of the Pink Adobo Pollo. But she gives SUCH. GOOD. FACE. And the color of her outfit is killin ‘em, even if her bodice isn’t. I give her a B, Perdue Chickens give her an A. Her makeup is on point! Punta on-a. Did I just make up some Spanish?

I AM NOT feeling Alicia’s look AT ALL from this angle. UGH! You know what she looks like to me? A roach. It’s roach colored and the leather/croc/whathaveyou makes it look like she came up with this in the kitchen when she saw one and thought “I’m scared! How edgy!” No. I think if it was a different color I could get down with it more. But NO.

I will be wearing this outfit to work tomorrow.  Nuff Said.


Ciara was originally a part of the feather duster series, but look at this now, I decided she need her own entry – I am not feeling this AT. ALL.  First of all, her hair is Kardashian false. I am officially on a warpath with weaves. It looks fake, we know that’s not your hair, stop it. Then, her dress bodice looks like a bridal gown at the CMAs, but the bottom reminds me of those aliens from Sesame Street.

Solange Knowles was there…this dress HAHA! I don’t even know where to begin. It’s like a jumble of fonts and color blocks. The idea was there, but I don’t know even know where she’s going in that ish! Her hair makes her look like she’s a contestant at Westminster, and her dress is one only Picasso could love.  It’s like people missed the memo that it is a McQueen exhibit, so avant garde, use of different materials not commonly known in fashion, yes! Just looking like a lonely puppy, no. Unless you actually went full out and looked like a real puppy, then yes again.






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