Sh*t Talking

The Met Gala – Quelle Horreur?

By Zaira Zafra

Yes, it’s that time of year again. A new tradition I set back in 2009 when the people attending the Metropolitan Musuem’s Costume Gala wore outfits so atrocious I had to speak out for you, for me, for America.

And that time has rolled around again. I must release the Kraken on this one, because I think the celebrities heard my cries from years past and have tried to right some fashion wrongs. Let’s see if they succeeded, shall we? I must warn you, these are going to be a series of blog posts – I try to do it a few celebs at a time.

Naomi Campbell – Sigh. Homeslices, I don’t know what the hell is going on here. First off, let’s just all address the fact that now that we know her hair is a SUPER hot mess under that lace front wig, I kind of find it hard to find her that beautiful anymore. Disrespecting your hair to that extent just seems so …Un- Naomi, but I digress. Her dress looks like soap or cake frosting in strategic places mixed with some Princess Leia with Jabba the Hut outfit. This is the damn McQueen exhibit, and that’s the BEST you could come up with?! You’re F&*king Naomi Campbell, and you end up looking like a cheap stripper from either Sabon or Cake Wars. Next!

The Feather Dusters/Fans – I saw a lot of people decided that the look of the day would be as a glammed up Swiffer Picker Upper or a really “expensive” Chinatown fan or vase. While the dresses themselves are ok, they just seem Costume-y in a bad way. Hair that just screams Jessica Simpson’s Ricky’s line. Skirts that act as clothing and the cleanup crew for the Met (maybe they are strapped for cash). I usually like whimsical clothes like that, but today… Nah Son. Serena Williams looks crazy like a feather duster starring in a Tyler Perry Medea film – Medea Cleans House or something.

I think Fergie’s marriage is on the rocks, because she’s putting her best Aladriel from LOTR on and having her wedding day at the Met. Her face. looks. busted. BOO HISS ON THIS. It’s like a Elven country wedding with her dress. And I don’t like her nude lips. Her face is totally washed out – Actually, she looks like a bride who got dumped at the alter. Sorry.

Madonna actually brought it this time – Old time glamour, actual age appropriate hotness, and she looked happy and good. This color is beautiful, love her hair, and I’m really feeling the stars.

But my darlings, there’s SO MUCH BAD TO BE HAD!!!! I can’t wait to keep the hits coming today! THE JOY I FEEL WHEN TALKING BAD FASHION!!!!

 

 

 

 

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