Is this the secret to a successful relationship?

Is the Secret to Relationship Success Allowing Your Man to Stray?

Are we really meant to be with one person for the rest of our lives? Is monogamy possible? I’d like to think so. But one British couple claims to have found the secret to relationship success: and that is letting the man in question satisfy his sexual urges with other women while returning to the marital bed at night. Say what now?

Grahame Tamsett, image from UK Daily Mail

Grahame Tamsett, 67, and his wife, Sandra, have been together for 25 years. As per every old wives tale, she has become increasingly disinterested in any sort of sexual shenanigans over time. He, however, has not. I blame Viagra.

Tamsett ruefully told the UK’s Daily Mail: “My wife is into other things. She is grandkids-mad and likes shopping. To be blunt, she isn’t that interested in sex anymore. Lots of women go off sex as they get older.”

This gives him license — with an A-OK from his wife — to search online dating sites for quickie flings and casual nights of passions. He currently has 10 “lovers.” Says Tamsett: “We both respect we are into different things, so she turns a blind eye to me putting adverts online for casual flings. I used to use lonely hearts ads in newspapers, then two years ago I heard about a website where married people openly look for an affair. It’s full of people like me.”

He knows how lucky he is, and how other men must envy his situation, saying: “I think the world of my wife and I want to stay with her. I’m a very lucky man because I know most women wouldn’t like what I do. But then most men are liars. I never lie to anyone.”

I know I shouldn’t be judging anyone else’s relationship, but what is Sandra Tamsett thinking? Isn’t real love about being faithful, through good times and through bad (the sexless years)? How can she just turn a blind eye? What if he fell in love with one of his flings? What if the comfortable affection he has for his wife morphs into a deep, passionate affair with someone else? What then?

Most famous polyamorous man with his ladies


This situation sounds like the kind of drama a threesome causes (though clearly it is a flink — which, for those who are too lazy to use a dictionary — is a dozen cows). It may sound like a good idea in theory, but someone is going to get hurt in the long run.

Though I’m happy for the Tamsetts that they’re so allegedly happy, I can’t help but wonder if it’s all a facade. Is turning a blind eye the same thing as being OK with the situation?

This is food for thought. But what I am 100% clear about: no man of mine is ever going to find himself in this kind of “lucky” situation.



Filed Under: Blogs


About the Author: Laura Schreffler is a former New York Daily News columnist who left the world of celebrity behind to focus on what makes her happiest — love and travel. She is the creator of — a website devoted to these two passions that she fondly calls “looking for love in all the right places.” In her spare time she likes to play matchmaker for her friends, dream about her next vacation and gaze at photographs of Taylor Kitsch. For more advice on love, relationships, and happiness, check out & her book "Internet Dating 101". And follow her here at Happiness Series with her weekly blog about finding love.

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