I had a huge blowout with my husband the other day. I mean huge. Ugly. Name calling, insults. The whole kit and caboodle. I was so angry at him that I started with him the minute he woke up. It escalated quickly. My daughter ended up in tears begging us to just say we were sorry. But I wasn’t. I couldn’t be. I was just too mad.
Has this ever happened to you? In the last few months, I have found it’s been happening a lot. I feel like I’m Anakin Skywalker and while my intentions are good, I have this rage inside of me and I can’t stop it, it builds up and then I explode into a giant Vader like monster. I’m snappish with my kids, my husband. I have no patience for anything or anyone. Everything irritates me. I can’t get a handle on my anger.
This isn’t about food. But it is about health. Even if we eat the greatest diet in the world, it is not going to save us from rage. I will now expose my 12-year-old fan girl self to you and quote Yoda, “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”
Am I turning into Darth Vader? (Obviously, without the gear since I don’t plan on being on a volcanic planet anytime soon.) But seriously, am I? I am a fearful person. I worry a lot about money, which I think most people do. I worry about my kids and their growing up in a world filled with scary things. And I worry about little things that don’t really deserve the attention. I get upset when the house isn’t in order. Or I get upset that I do so much around the house and feel like no one helps out. I fear I’ll get cancer and die leaving my family alone. And the more I worry, the angrier I get. Huh, I guess Yoda was right.
The final straw for me was when Yoda (I mean my husband) finally told me that I was a negative person, and I was pushing him away. Whoa. Reality check. he love of my life who I have been with for 22 years was being pushed away? By me? Was I really that bad? And I realized, at this point in time, I am. I was screaming at my husband because he didn’t do some menial chore I had assigned him with. Did the world end? No. Did the dishes self destruct because they weren’t washed the minute the meal ended? No. Were the beds unable to be slept in because they weren’t made properly? Again, no. Did I have two wonderful kids? Yes. Did I have a great husband who has put up with a lot from me? Yup. Was my life a heck of a lot better than so many people? Again, yes.
We tend to dwell in the negative. When I begin my sessions with clients, I always ask what’s new and good because our nature is to immediately jump to what is wrong, what is bad, what is angering us. I work with my clients to not go there first. To see the accomplishments and success they are having in their lives so that they can become empowered by the knowledge that their actions are achieving their desired results. However, it appears that once again, instead of following my own counsel, I have allowed my own life to overwhelm me, and instead of focusing on the good I have jumped right to the miserable.
I don’t want to live this way, in fear. I can’t. Because if I continue to do so, I will alienate and lose those people I love most. I need to channel my inner Yoda, my Obi Wan. But it is so hard. It is so much easier to dwell in the negative. To say that this is bad and I can’t do this, or it’s just too hard. Because in order to live a peaceful, POSITIVE life, you have to work at it. The reason anger consumes you is because it is so easy to get to that place. Peace in a turbulent world is harder to come by. But it is possible. It has to be.
As I do with all goals, I will start simple. I am pasting a note to my mirror so that as I brush my teeth I see the following:
- Be positive
- Breathe and count to 5 before speaking
- Ask for help
- The world will not end if the beds are not made
- What is the one thing you NEED to do today? Everything else will get done in its own time
- Smile, Love and Be Loved.
Where do you live your life? Are you zen and wise like Yoda? Or dark and angry like Darth Vader? And more importantly, who do you want to be? Find your light, find your love, and don’t sweat the small stuff. May the Force Be With You.
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About the Author: Courtney Abrams is a Health Coach and Founder of Roslyn Wellness. Trained at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, she helps clients work within the realities of their day to day lives to find ways to make small and manageable changes to their health that can maintained over time. Her clients include people trying to lose weight, beat sugar, increase their energy, cook simple healthful food and reduce stress to name a few. She also shares a passion for food policy and educating people about the foods they are eating and the governmental role behind much of it. You can learn more about Courtney and Roslyn Wellness at http://RoslynWellness.com.