Does Abstinence Make the Heart Grow Fonder?
A big to-do is being made over nothing this month…literally. Abstinence has been a hot topic of conversation lately and I, for one, am not on board with it. Why deny yourself pleasure?
By definition, abstinence is: ‘The fact or practice of restraining oneself from indulging in something’ — and usually refers to s-e-x. Though I do understand that there are many reasons why women would hold back from sleeping with someone straight away, those who wait until after they’re married to explore their partner’s body is somewhat beyond my comprehension. Don’t you want to test the waters? What if the sex is bad? Do you really want to suffer having an asexual relationship with your husband forever and ever amen?
Like I said, I do get why women initially attempt to abstain from letting sex enter their relationship. American men are cads. Once the thrill of the chase is over, many move on to graze in different pastures. Plus, we get too involved. As soon as we sleep with someone, we get attached. It’s a girl thing.
But a life lived in fear is a life half lived (and yes, I stole that from Strictly Ballroom), and when we hold ourselves back sexually, we have to remember that the men aren’t the only ones losing out.
True, it all worked out in the end for Doritos girl Ali Landry, who was so raw after the demise of her two-week marriage to Mario Lopez that she refused to sleep with second husband Alejandro Monteverde until their wedding night. The reason: she could no longer trust men after discovering Lopez had cheated.
She said: “Because of the situation I was in before, I was just treading lightly, and did not want to make any mistakes in this relationship. We abstained from having sex until we got married.”
Waiting was right for Landry, who said: “I discovered a lot about myself and I’m a better woman because of it. I met my husband at a theology class in LA – who knew? He was the person I was meant to be with.”
But sometimes you have to undress a few frogs to find your prince. You know what I’m saying? Abstinence doesn’t work for everyone!
Even if a guy ditches you after you give yourself to him, it’s a plain and simple fact that he was never the right person for you in the first place. Move on, get over it, and find someone who’s worthy.
You’ll never be happy if you’re hung up on a toad who refuses to transform himself into a sexually charged Prince Charming.
And really, shouldn’t love be about finding someone who makes us happy?
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About the Author: Laura Schreffler is a former New York Daily News columnist who left the world of celebrity behind to focus on what makes her happiest — love and travel. She is the creator of LoveTrekker.com — a website devoted to these two passions that she fondly calls “looking for love in all the right places.” In her spare time she likes to play matchmaker for her friends, dream about her next vacation and gaze at photographs of Taylor Kitsch. For more advice on love, relationships, and happiness, check out http://lovetrekker.com & her book "Internet Dating 101". And follow her here at Happiness Series with her weekly blog about finding love.