Living in the Friend Zone

The Friend Zone is official.

Sweet Jesus, the ‘Friend Zone’ is actually a reality. Yeah, I know many of you (if not all) have been there, done that, gotten the shitty T-shirt that says “She is so not attracted to me at all, does not ever want to see my winkie and yes, I’m bitter about it” but now there’s an official term for your sexual dissatisfaction. Says who, you say? Well, that would be the Oxford University Press, thank you very much.

The official new definition of ‘Friend Zone’ on Oxford Dictionaries Online is as follows:

The Friend Zone at Work


a situation in which a platonic relationship exists between two people, one of whom has an undeclared romantic or sexual interest in the other:
I always wind up in the friend zone, watching them pursue other guys

A) I love that this term is so official now and B) I love how men and women so completely differ when it actually comes to being in said Zone.

I am a woman who has many, many, many male friends. Why? I get along with men better. I can talk like one of the guys, act like one of the guys, and they’ll still dote on me as a girl. But have I put any of said male friends in the ‘Friend Zone’ unknowingly? I hope not, but it’s possible.

When it really comes down to it, men and women are meant to be attracted to one another. It’s natural — and normal — to be attracted to any relatively attractive person you meet and get along with. The difference between the sexes — and it’s a crucial one here — is that women, for the most part, weigh the consequences of consummating a friendship, where guys typically (again, not always, but regularly) think with their wee man.

Guys, after that initial once-over/meeting, I hate to say this, but we ladies tend to zone you out pretty instantly, whereas men may not ever truly FZ a girl they’re truly attracted to.

And yes, I don’t want to be a hypocrite here: Friend Zoning works both ways. I’ve definitely had at least one man put me there by default (or by my fault. Either way, it will never happen).

But here’s the thing — this now officially legitimate term happens for a reason. Any person you’re filing away in the friendship category probably isn’t going to be that person you really belong with in the long run. Yes, lovers become friends over time, and yes, friends do make the best lovers. But in my eyes, that’s only if a mutual attraction exists in the first place.

Why would anyone want to be with someone who didn’t truly want them? Life is too short.

On that note, if you find yourself in this category, move on. There are plenty more fish in the sea.




Filed Under: Blogs


About the Author: Laura Schreffler is a former New York Daily News columnist who left the world of celebrity behind to focus on what makes her happiest — love and travel. She is the creator of — a website devoted to these two passions that she fondly calls “looking for love in all the right places.” In her spare time she likes to play matchmaker for her friends, dream about her next vacation and gaze at photographs of Taylor Kitsch. For more advice on love, relationships, and happiness, check out & her book "Internet Dating 101". And follow her here at Happiness Series with her weekly blog about finding love.

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